ANNOUNCEMENT: New Website and Blog Location

Starting today, September 20, 2012, In Others' Words is located at bethvogt.com. My talented and ve-ery patient web guru, Stacey Dyer has developed a fun new site.
All my subscribers should be automatically redirected there. If you weren't, please email at beth@bethvogt.com so we can correct the problem.
And if you're new, please join us over at bethvogt.com.  

In Others' Words: Home

Photo by John Skiba Photography

"My home is not a place, it is people."

~ Lois McMaster Bujold, American author

I had a definitive definition of home for many years--and it was most definitely a place.

Then I married my husband, who was in the Air Force. 

My idea of home had to change.

Uncle Sam determined where home was -- and I realized location wasn't the determining factor when I thought of home.

The people who were with me, whatever our address was at the time, they represented home.

The stuff we lugged with us?

Not home, either.

My husband, my son, my three daughters: home.

I've also discovered when "home" becomes people, it expands. One of our family mottoes is "There's always room for one more."

And watching my adult children establish their own homes ... ah, bittersweet. I'm cheering them on with tear-filled eyes.

In Your Words: How do you define home?

In Others' Words: Life

"A new dress doesn't get you anywhere; it's the life you're living in the dress, and the sort of life you had lived before, and what you will do in it later." 

~Diana Vreeland, fashion columnist

I like to go shopping for new clothes. I like finding something--a cute top, a fun dress--that makes me feel good when I wear it. I walk a little taller, smile a little wider.

And then I read this quote. Whoa. 

Am I equating life--living--to the clothes in my closet? Or are my clothes merely necessary items so that I can go out and live my life?

Don't get me wrong. I don't think having clothes (fashionable clothes, at that) is to be avoided. It's just understanding the value of a pair of pants. Or a pair of shoes. Or a funky scarf.

Life equals my experiences--now, in the past, and in the future.

Life is not what's hanging in my closet.

In Your Words: So what do you think? Do clothes "get you anywhere?" There is that whole "dress for success" creed. What's the value of new clothes?

photo by justsayozz/stockxchng.com

In Others' Words: Words

"I like good strong words that mean something." 

~Louisa May Alcott, author

Well said, Louisa.

That's a goal worth striving for: As a writer, I want to produce good strong words that mean something.

As a woman, I want to speak good strong words that mean something.

Little Women, written by Louisa May Alcott, was the first book I remember reading. And re-reading. And yes, re-reading. Her words were strong enough to make me cry. And smile. And fret about Jo and Laurie (and eventually Professor Bhaer). Her writing is vivid enough that I recall scenes even as I type this blog post and I haven't picked the book up in years.  What was Amy thinking when she tried to change the shape of her nose by putting a clothespin on it?!

I wonder how many people recall words I've written?

I wonder how many people recall words I've spoken?

And are the words they're remembering good, strong words? Or did I wound someone? Trip someone up? Maybe disappoint someone? 

Words--strong in a powerful sense. But how is that strength used?

In Your Words: What kind of words do you like? Are you in agreement with Louisa? Are you intent on writing and speaking words with power and meaning? Are you hitting the mark?

In Others' Words: Discovery

"One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his greatest surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn't do."

~Henry Ford, American industrialist

Fear ruled my life for too many years.

Yes, there were reasons for the fear, but still ... I look back and think what I lost.

Freedom.

Emotional and spiritual freedom.

For too long I thought life was going to always be lived that way. Afraid.

And then I discovered I could choose to live differently.

Then there came a time when I found the courage and the help to face the past and walk into healing and freedom.

It wasn't easy.

I needed others' help.

And I needed faith like never before.

And I had to stop being afraid of the truth ... because sometimes the truth is the hardest thing to face.

In Your Words: Have you surprised yourself? Have you discovered you could do something you were afraid to do? I'd love to hear your story.

In Others' Words: Music

"Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons. You will find it is to the soul what a water bath is to the body."

 ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, associate justice of the U.S. Supreme Court

I savor listening to music just about any time of the day.If you could hear what I'm singing along to, it might be country. Or praise and worship. Or show tunes. Or instrumental. When it comes to my tastes in music, I like a little bit of this and that.

Music refreshes me.

Music soothes me.

Music energizes me.

Not unlike those times I slip away, shut the door, and take a nice long soak in my tub.

Ahhhh, nothing like it.

In Your Words: What about you? Are you a "music bather?" What kind of music do you like to soak in?

                                                                                                                                       photo by  schnaibel/stockxchng.com

/stockxchng.com

In Others' Words: Succcess

"If A equals success, then the formula is A equals X plus Y and Z, with X being work, Y play, and Z keeping your mouth shut."~Albert Einstein, German-born physicist

A=X+Y+Z

A (Success)

X (Work)

Y (Play)

Z (Keeping your mouth shut)

Success=Work+Play+Keeping your mouth shut

Know what? Einstein was a smart guy.

Yes, I know he was a physicist. But he had common sense too. Look at that equation for success again. Einstein figures in work and play and being wise enough to know when to hold your tongue.

Brilliant.

You have to work hard to achieve forward motion. If you're a writer, that means you have to write. And rewrite. And take critique like a professional. And endure waiting and rejections and the reality that not everyone's going to love your writing. (Gasp!)

And you also have to know when to stop working and relax. Play a little. Here's a question: What do you do for fun? If you can't answer that question, you're working to hard. Me? I like to hang with friends. Window-shop with my girls. (Maybe even for-real-shop.) Hike. Read. Browse through a bookstore. 

So: Success = Work + Play + ?

What was the last part of that equation?

Oh, yeah.

Keeping your mouth shut.

I'll call that discernment.

Knowing when to speak up. Knowing when to be quiet. Avoiding the ol' "foot in mouth" misstep. What's that wise saying?

 "Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise ..." (Prov. 17:28)

In Your Words: What do you think of Einstein's equation for success? Would you change it up at all? Are you missing any of his must-haves for success?

In Others' Words: Rest

"Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths, or the turning inwards in prayer for five short minutes." ~ Ettie Hillesum, author of An Interrupted Life the Diaries 1941-1943 & Letters from Westerbork

Today is Labor Day, which made me think of rest.

And I thought of the busy summer I had: 

• preparing for my daughter's wedding. Such fun, but work nonetheless. 
• editing my debut novel, Wish You Were Here. A whole other type of fun and work.
• keeping my 10-year-old busy-but-not-too-busy. Fun, fun, fun.
• choosing what to say goodbye to--and stepping down as the editor of Connections, the leadership magazine for MOPS International. 
• managing vertigo. No fun at all.

And through each day, I found myself looking for rest. That moment at the end of the day when I could close my eyes and think, "Done--until tomorrow."

And here's what I've realized: Rest is not something that you push off until the end of the day. Or the end of the busy week or month.

Rest is something you embrace, minute by minute.

That photo? It's me at Bandon, OR. I'm sitting in what a friend named "The Hand of God" tree. 

Works for me.

A good place to rest: in the hand of God.

In Your Words: Where do you find rest?

In Others' Words: Courage

"It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else." 

~Erma Bombeck, author & humor columnist

Life requires different types of courage.

Some acts of courage transform a person into a hero.

Some acts of courage transform a person into the embodiment of the phrase, "There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends." (John 15:13 NLT).

And then there is the courage to risk sharing your dreams with someone. Precious things, dreams. Fragile. 

And yet given time and encouragement and belief, dreams become reality.

Astounding.

Many of my writing friends are meeting up at a writers conference in St. Louis later this month. They'll be showing their manuscripts--their dreams--to editors and agents and publishers. 

Each 15 minute appointment is, in its own way, an act of bravery. Who knows? It's not the first step in the dream becoming a reality--but the next step.

In Your Words: Feeling courageous? Who do you share your dreams with? What dream are you cultivating?

photo by superdecor/stockxchng.com

In Others' Words: Dreams

"There is no telling how many miles you will have to run while chasing a dream." ~ Author Unknown

That's the funny thing about dreams: You have to chase them. You can't walk into a store and purchase that elusive dream. It's not sitting on a shelf, waiting for you to dole out a few hard earned dollars or charge it on your credit card.

You want a dream? You have to chase it. Some days it seems so close . . . right there, just beyond your reach. And other days, you're at the back of the pack of runners, watching everyone else cross the finish line. Reach their goal. Attain their dream. 

And you have to keep on running. Another lap. Maybe two. You look around--are you the only left pursuing your dream?

Is it worth all the effort? All the running? Really, what would life be without dreams? 

In Your Words: What dream are you pursuing? What dream have you achieved? Did you learn any lessons along the way? 

In Others' Words: Imagination

"Your imagination is your preview of life's coming attractions." ~Albert Einstein, physicist

When was the last time you let your mind wander ... let it lead you down the "what if?" road, around an unexpected bend into an idea that took your breath away?

When I read Einstein's quote, I realized I'd been taking these shallow half-breaths that didn't fill my lungs.

And then I thought of my 10-year-old daughter. She's all about coming attractions. Life for her is one "what if I do this" and "what if I do that" after another. She starts writing one book. Stops. Starts another. Stops. Starts another. Stops--and you guessed it--starts another. 

The writer/editor in me wants to give her a stern lecture about finishing what she started. Set some measurable goals. Maybe ask her if she wants me to critique one of those stories-to-be.

But she's too busy imagining the next story she could write. 

I've decided to let her go. Let her run after those dreams. Let her imagination run wild. This is no time to erect a corral around her maybes and what ifs and imaginings. 

Sure, I have things to do. The never-ending To Do list resides in the clutter on my desk.

But if I ignore my imagination one day I'll wake up and the "Coming Attractions" sign will be removed from my life. Why? Because I won't have taken the time to daydream ... ponder ... ensure that something was waiting up ahead ...

In Your Words: So ... dreaming about anything? Dreaming big? Any coming attractions in your life? When is your favorite time to imagine "what if?"

In Others' Words: Words

"Among my most prized possessions are words that I have never spoken." ~ Orson Rega Card, novelist

Are there things I wish I hadn't said?

Yes.

Sometimes the words spilled out of my mouth, surprising me almost as much as they surprised the other person.

Sometimes the words were planned. Deliberate. Only once they were spoken did I think, "Why did I say that?"

The words--rehearsed on the stage of my mind--seemed so right. So fitting. But now, under the harsh glare of hurt-glazed eyes . . .well, really, was what I said the right thing to say--or was it more that I wanted to be right?

As the years accumulate in my life-book, I find myself talking less and listening more. Why? Two reasons. The Bible puts it this way: Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise ... (Proverbs 17:28) Works for me.

The other reason? I learn so much--about people, about life--when I choose to be silent. When I choose to listen. 

Do I have things to say?

Sure.

But oftentimes, I realize my words wouldn't have added anything to the conversation--except a bit of a breeze.

In Your Words: What did you think when you read today's quote? How do you handle the power of words? Was there a time when silence was truly golden for you?

In Others' Words: Everything ... Or Maybe Not

"You can do anything, but not everything." 
~ David Allen, productivity consultant

This past weekend? It was not about getting everything done. 
It's 2:10 A.M. on Monday--I don't know how many of you were still asleep while I typed this blog post. If I peeked outside my office, I could see the "everything" that didn't get done. 
My kitchen is waiting for someone to clean it. Hhhmmm. Wonder who that will be?
My family room? Well, some of us sat around earlier and watched a musical . . . 
And the photo I posted with my blog? That's the "anything" that I did accomplish this weekend: I (almost) completed the second round of edits on my novel. Ya gotta love Post-it notes. And a long coffee table to spread pages out on. And kids old enough to cook dinner while you edit. (Many thanks to my son-in-love because making dinner was another bit of "everything" I didn't get done.)
Even though my house is, um, let's say unsettled, I'm okay with that. Why? I knew going into this weekend that all the things I wanted to accomplish weren't going to be checked off my To Do list. And as other things (think people) became priority, I had to tell myself things like,"Face it. The house is going to be a mess this weekend."
I chose two priorities: finishing my edits and being with my family. Everything else became a distant third. 
I knew I could do anything.
I also knew I couldn't do everything.
So I chose something. 




In Your Words: Do you aim for anything or everything? David Allen, the guy who said that breathe-a-little-easier quote, is a time management guru. Do you have any tried and true tips to handle a too-full schedule?  

In Others' Words: Genius

"Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together." 

~ Georg Christoph Lichtenberg, German Scientist

Everyone is a genius at least once a year.

Really?

Don't get me wrong. This quote fascinates me. I love how much potential this quote gives me. I've been a genius sometime this year. How did I miss that moment?

There are times when I think I'm brilliantly funny. Times I crack myself up to the point of tears. Of course, it's usually when I'm so overtired my kids say, "Mom's doing it again. She needs to go to bed." And they laugh. Not with me--at me. Or maybe a little of both. I mean, I'm funny when I'm tired.

But if I look back over the last eight months, do I recall moments of genius? Even one?

My first response is no. Not me. Leave the genius-status to others. And then I think ... wait a minute. There was that moment when I chose to listen to a friend instead of talk about myself.

Genius.

That moment when I knew I'd pushed myself way-past my emotional and physical limits. I gave myself permission to rest. (I've heard it said a wise woman knows her limitations.)

Genius.

That moment when I listened to my mentor's challenge to dig deeper into my character, to write not just a better scene but a "breathless" scene. I may not have landed the scene perfectly ... but I tried.

Genius.

Maybe it's not so much that I haven't had those moments of brilliance. Maybe it's that I'm under the mistaken impression that genius is something big and grand and larger-than-life-size. Maybe it's that I haven't take the time to pause ... to appreciate ... to be thankful for the lessons learned in my unexpected blink-and-you-miss-them moments of genius.

In Your Words: "Everyone" includes you. You realize that, right? So tell me, what genius moment or moments have you experienced in the last eight months? And do you have any tricks up your sleeve that help you be at your most brilliant best?  

photo by pukeycow*/stockxchng.com

* I'm thinking someone wasn't having a genius moment when they came up with that name.

In Others' Words: Conversations

"Each person's life is lived as a series of conversations." ~ Deborah Tannen, professor of linguistics

I've never looked at life as a series of conversations. Things I've said--and not said. Because aren't conversations both the spoken and unspoken words?

The responses of others. Or their questions. Or their words of comfort. Or their words that prompt a life-giving belly laugh to rumble up past my lips.

Life.

Conversations.

Give and take.

Ah, I'm beginning to see what Deborah Tannen meant.

Considering this quote from the perspective of a writer: I am all about dialogue. Often my first draft is 75 percent He said-She said and 25 percent He did-She did.

Dialogue, so I've been told, is action. And I believe it.

When people talk, they are interacting with one another. They may be confessing their love for one another (gotta' love a good romance) or plotting how to prevent the aliens from conquering the world (Cowboys and Aliens, anyone?). Maybe they're revealing a secret. Or lying. Or apologizing. Or whining. (Sorry, I've raised four kiddos and done some whining myself.)

What we say, just as much as what we do, is action. It's life.

In Others' Words: Is there a recent conversation echoing in your mind? Is it a good memory--or not so good? Would you go back and change what you said or didn't say? If you embrace the concept that your life is a series of conversations ... how would that change what you say?
And for my writer friends: How do you use dialogue to create action in your stories? Any favorite conversations between your fictional characters?

In Others' Words: Humor

"I think the next best thing to solving a problem is finding some humor in it." ~Frank A. Clark    

There are so many things wrong with the photo I found to illustrate this blog post, I had to laugh. 

You've got a parking sign pointing right.

And directly below that is a "Wrong Way" sign--and "Wrong" is spelled incorrectly. Or is it? Maybe the street name is "Wong." I don't know. Is "Wong" right--or wrong?

And then there's just a glimpse of a yellow sign right behind the blue signs also pointing to the right ... So can you or can't you turn right and find parking? I don't know. If I was driving in an unfamiliar part of town, those signs would spell T-R-O-U-B-L-E.

When I read the quote, I couldn't help but think about my older brother, Bobby. he was the only kid in the family who could make my mom laugh when she was angry. We would all be waiting on the wrath of mom to descend--and we probably deserved it--and Bobby would do something outrageous. Say something beyond ridiculous. 

And Mom would laugh.

Anger diffused.

So often when I'm faced with a problem I go all tense. I've got to solve it. Now. Nobody interrupt me until I figure this--whatever it is--out.

Think about your favorite suspense movie. The anxiety is ratcheted as high as it can get, you can barely breathe. And then--something funny happens. Tension diffused. (I remember watching one scary movie that had this silly magician's bunny hop across the screen at these odd moments. I don't remember why. But I do remember laughing. And catching my breath.) You realize how much you needed that moment of laughter to be able to finish the movie.

Life's like that too. A moment of humor, a bit of laughter, can help you regain perspective and solve the seemingly unsolvable.

In Your Words: Can you laugh in the midst of problem solving -- or do you have a strictly enforced "No Humor" policy until everything is resolved? Can you think of a time when humor helped you solve a problem?

photo by shirleybnx/stockxchng.com        

In Others' Words: Fun

"People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing." ~Dale Carnegie, writer & lecturer

I'm just back from a time of relaxation and refreshing, having spent time with good friends in Bandon, OR. The time was the best -- slow-paced enough to be reflective and yet filled with fun and laughter.

While I was there, I discovered my friend Jamie is a serious sandcastle sculptor. She has the knowledge and the tools -- and she takes the time to build some rather intricate sandcastles. 

Why build sandcastles? I mean, they don't last. We all know that. It's the whole sand versus waves dilemma. The waves win every time.

Jamie enjoys building sandcastles. It is, in short, fun. 

Let me tell you something else about my friend. She has a rather serious career: She's a family physician. Not only that, she's in charge of a residency program. Serious stuff, that. 

But Jamie (and her family) know how to laugh and have fun. (Balderdash, anyone?)

She's found a certain balance between seriousness and fun that I admire -- and she constantly adjusts to maintain the right balance.

Oh. One more thing about building sandcastles. For all the fun of the endeavor, Jamie also told my husband that her efforts remind her that nothing lasts.

Hhhm. Fun and significant.

My friend is a wise woman.

In Your Words: Having fun? Achieving success? Has one excluded the other? Stop and think about what defines fun for you. (I'd love to hear about it!) If your striving for success but finding no joy (fun) in the goal ... have you ever considered you're going in the wrong direction?

In Others' Words: Happiness

"Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance and order and rhythm and harmony." ~Thomas Merton

I used to think happiness was all about more, more, more.

As I've gotten older, I've discovered that happiness (think contentment) is all about less.

When I was younger, I always had a list of "this is what I want" for my birthday or Christmas. Now, more often than not, I'm hard-pressed to think of anything. It's not that I don't want things ... It's just those things aren't important. 

I look around and realize, hey, I've got a lot of stuff. And, while I like a lot of it, I could also get rid of a lot of it and not miss it.

My happiness isn't about turning the volume of my life louder. Or going faster. It's found in the moments when I've more than enough time to spend with those I love. Or when I can step back and watch my family as they talk and laugh--and nowadays they often do this while cooking together.

In Your Words: What makes you happy? How would you define happiness? Contentment? When you think of happiness--what memory comes to mind?

photo by sinanacar/stockxchng.com

In Others' Words: Beauty

"The beautiful is everywhere." ~Fernand Leger, French artist

How often do I overlook beauty?

I get so busy with all the "doing"--writing, editing, laundry, running errands, texting, emailing, keeping my daughter busy, grocery shopping--that I miss the beauty all around me.

I miss the sound of my daughter's voice as she tells me a joke she just made up.

I miss the chance to see my husband embrace my daughter when he walks in the door after work. 

I miss the myriad of colors in the sunset over Pikes Peak.

I miss the sound of the hummingbirds outside my kitchen window.

I miss the chance for a walk in the coolness of the early morning.

I miss so much that adds beauty to my life.

Seeing beauty requires that I am intentional. Purposeful. Beauty is all around me. I need to choose to see it. Stop. Look. Listen. 

In Your Words: Stop whatever you're doing right now. (Reading this blog, I would guess.) Look. Listen. What beauty did you discover?  Be purposeful in looking for beauty today.

In Others' Word: Perspective

"When the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it may be that they take better care of it there." ~Cecil Selig

The grass is always greener ...

Come on, finish the sentence with me: on the other side.

Is it? Really?

Or are we just spending too much time hanging over that fence looking at what "they" have and then thinking about how we don't have it.

Maybe we need to turn around and take a better look--a more grateful look--at what's on our side of the fence.

Sure, our lives aren't perfect.

Guess what? Those folks on the other side of the fence with all that green grass? Their lives aren't either. We don't know that because we aren't living their lives.

And we never will.

You and I have one life to live--ours. With all it's imperfections. And all the good things too.

Want some greener grass on our side of the fence? That's our responsibility.

In Your Words: I used to get tripped up by wanting what other people had. The house. The car. The clothes. The "greener grass syndrome" leads to nothing but discontent. What about you? How's your grass looking? 

photo by linder6580/stockxchng.com